Q: Hello, Bryant.
A: *sigh* Hello...
A: *sigh* Hello...
Q: Say, you sound a bit glum? Everything copacetic?
A: Yeah, sure, I guess so.
Q: So ... no posts lately, I see. Where you been?
A: Uh ... around.
A: Mmm-hmm. Around.
Q: Well, as excuses go, that's a shit one.
A: You know we're the same person, and that this is a self-interview, right?
Q: Uh ... yeah. Yeah, yes, I knew that...
A: "Okay," he said, skeptically. "Move it along, then."
Q: Can do. Howsabout I ask you questions about recent happenings in the world of Stephen King, and you make witty banter about them?
A: Sounds like a plan, Dan.
Q: Alrighty then. First item: I've got to know whether you've heard the rumors that a television series based on The Lawnmower Man is apparently in the works.
A: Oh, yeah, I definitely heard 'bout THAT shit.
Q: How do you feel about that idea?
A: Well, if they make it, I'll watch it. I mean, odds are it will suck, but when have I ever let that stop me?
Q: Why would you give your time to something you assume will suck?
A: Well ... it's like this: if it's based on King, I've got to see it. It's that simple.
Q: Yeah, but, this won't be based on King. It'll have literally nothing to do with his story.
A: Fine by me. And anyways, you can say the same about Haven, and yet people inexplicably still think that's based on King. It's got about as much to do with The Colorado Kid as The Lawnmower Man does with the short story it was licensed from. So there's that.
A: Plus, there's always the possibility that it could be good. Here's the basic shell of the movie: a mentally challenged man is artificially turned into a super-genius by a scientist, and as a result achieves a literally unprecedented level of intelligence. He separates his consciousness from his body and essentially becomes a living internet, and then becomes something akin to a god. Now, if you take that shell of an idea and put it in the hands of a talented group of writers and filmmakers, and it could -- emphasis on "could" -- turn into something good. We're talking potentially a Flowers For Algernon meets The Matrix meets Frankenstein, and on paper, that could work.
Q: Do you think the odds of that happening are good?
A: I do not. However, it's a possibility, and as such, I don't think sneering at the project at this stage in its development is particularly imaginative. But hey, what do I know?
Q: Indeed. Well, moving on ... the news broke at Cannes that the novella "A Good Marriage" is also being shopped around as a potential movie. How do you feel about that one?
A: I think it's got a lot of potential. The novella is a little gem; it'll have great roles for a couple of seasoned movie stars, and I can theoretically imagine it being a big hit. If it's done well, of course. I'm not even vaguely convinced that Peter Askin is the director for the job, but since I've seen zero of his four movies, maybe I'm no expert.
Q: What do you think of the fact that so many film projects based on King's work are in development?
A: I think it means people in Hollywood are looking around for known quantities, and they see the name "Stephen King" as being an eminently recognizable one. I also think that very few of these projects seem to actually be going in front of cameras. There's Carrie and then there's ... um ... well, there's Carrie. So until we start seeing movement on some of these things, I think it's all more or less meaningless.
Q: Speaking of Carrie, how do you feel about Julianne Moore being cast as Margaret White?
A: I'm fine with it. I like Julianne Moore; she'll be good in the role. She doesn't scream "Margaret White" to me, because I look at her and see a lot of empathy in those eyes, but that's okay; it's called "acting" for a reason.
Q: I liked her in Boogie Nights.
A: I bet you did.
Q: Uh ... yeah. Anyways, how about the reports that Stephen King and Joe Hill have co-written another short story together?
A: You're referring to "In the Tall Grass," which will be released in two parts (in the June/July issue and in the August issue). Can't wait. King PLUS Hill?!? Can't wait.
Q: Do you plan to read each part separately, or wait until it's complete and read both at once?
A: I'll read 'em as they're published, of course. The fuck is wrong with you, asking me a fool question like that?
Q: I am ashamed.
A: Damn right you are!
Q: Okay, here's one that's got nothing to do with Stephen King: are you excited about Prometheus?
A: I'm so excited I feel certain that I can only be let down by it at this point.
Q: I feel the same way, unsurprisingly. Alright, final question: does it bum you out that The Rock Bottom Remainders are disbanding?
A: Not in the slightest. I've never had much interest in King as a musician. I think it's cool that he got to do something like that which he was obviously really excited to do, but personally, it is a complete non-event for me. So that was all you had for me?
A: Fair enough. We should do this again sometime.
Q: And so we shall, sir; so we shall.