Traditionally, I have been a hardcore Oscars fan. I can't remember the first year I watched the show beginning to end; it would have been probably 1992, but it may have been even earlier. (I'm guessing I saw at least part of the show every year when my parents watched going back even farther than that; so there's no telling when my actual love for the show began.)
I mention that because whatever year it was -- and I'm officially going to claim 1992, because it's the first one I can remember for sure -- it began a streak of me seeing the show annually. That streak remains unbroken since; pretty good long streak. Every year, it's been a thing I've made time for, generally with a great deal of excitement. It's a known thing at my job: Bryant does not work on the night of the Oscars. In college one year, I had a lab exam scheduled on the night of the show (this was back when the awards were given out on Mondays); I skipped the exam and dropped the class.
That's how devoted I have been to watching the Oscars. And I always enjoy them, too, even when they piss me off (like every time John Williams loses). I'm the guy who thought David Letterman did a good job. I enjoyed Seth MacFarlane. I even thought the Anne Hathaway/James Franco show was entertaining. I want more awards! (An Oscar for stunt coordination needs to happen, and I'd also like to advocate for an award for animal training.) More montages! Six-hour shows that stretch from mid-afternoon to the end of the night! I demand lifetime achievement awards!
I'm not sure I'm watching this year. I might; I've not ruled it out. But the fact is, I kind of have stopped caring. I got very, very close to not watching two years ago; in fact, I only watched at all because of happenstance. I was glad I did; that was the year of the dramatic Moonlight/La La Land flub at the end of the show, and I'd hate to have missed that for sure.
I'm just not really able to keep up with the movies anymore. In asking myself where all the time to do so has gone, I'm forced to a single conclusion: it's been consumed by blogging. I'm not sure whether it's evident in the actual blogs themselves, but I spent a LOT of time on this stuff. Too much, probably. It's a lot of fun, though, so why wouldn't I? Enjoyable though it may be, it crowds out other things. Often, when the choice is "do I watch this new movie or do I work on one of my blogs?" it is the blogging which seems both more appealing and more productive. Next thing you know, I've seen a mere two of the Best Picture nominees. (I'm doing well this year; last year, I think I saw only one.)
Also, frankly, the political angle of the show is wearying. This despite the fact that the show's politics more or less align with my own. I just don't find it entertaining to have to engage with that sort of thing. (Another advantage of blogging, generally speaking.) This is a poor reflection upon me as an individual, I'd guess. I don't blame the show; I blame me. Whoever we're blaming, the last two years have been somewhat teeth-gritting occasions at the Oscars, and I'm just not super into that.
You know what I am super into, though?
Fake Oscars for the entire history thus far of King movies. Somebody suggested this in a comment a while back -- in response to something I'd said about a specific performance in a specific King movie, if I remember correctly -- and I thought it was a cool idea. We don't have to worry about politics (much); we don't have to worry about whether the host is going to be any good; we don't have to worry about the runtime. We also don't have to worry much about the idea of recency bias, because these awards cover multiple years, and encompass the first King movie (Carrie) straight on through to the most recent one (technically Children of the Corn: Runaway, which -- and I don't want to tip my hand here -- seems like a dark-horse contender at best).
All we have to worry about is how cool it would be if somebody did this for real.
So without further ado, let's have a look at the nominations for
|Let's call this logo (A) charmingly bogus-looking and (B) not actionable under fair-use laws.|
First up: a category that does not exist in the real Oscars, but (in my opinion) should: